First, get a big ass pan. Don’t measure it, feel the size.
Leave the pan. You don’t need it. Go to Whole Foods. You’re not gonna have any of these ingredients, so don’t even pretend.
Go to the egg isle. If the chicken didn’t play tennis and chat about kim kardashian on the farm, DO NOT GET THE EGG. You know what they say, egg doesn’t fall far from the chicken. This is what they’re talking about. Get like 6.
Next, ok, I didn’t expect it in bread pudding.. Milk. Get the organic one. I know it tastes the same, but do it. It’s better for you (?). And who knows where milk comes from, so get the best one just in case.
The final ingredient we’ve all been waiting for. Bread! There are a bunch of bread types, it turns out. I like Sweet Batard.
Ok, so now you’re done.. wait you also need brown sugar, and cinnamon. They try to trick you with fancy names. Just look for the old fashioned brown one and orange one. Let the colors be your guide.
And you’re done. Also vanilla extract. I don’t know what that is, it doesn’t smell like vanilla, but get it. It might be important.
Ok! Next you go to the checkout counter, grab your best credit card, smack it on the counter and roll out like a BOSSS.
Get home, dump all the stuff on the counter. Shit, it’s a lot. Grab your pan, grab your bread. Start breaking off little pieces of that sweet bastard into the pan. Should the pieces be smaller? YES. But you have a life. So this will do.
Then, oh shit, you need butter. Go back to whole foods, get butter. Get the organic one. Butter is like Milk. You don’t know what it is and why you need it. So get the best one.
Grab a bowl, put like half a stick of butter in that bowl. Melt the butter. You do you on this one. I did microwave. Pour that butter over all your bread. Make sure to get all of it.
Then take a bigger bowl, break all your eggs in there. Take a fork or something, and start swirling it. Do it faster! We don’t have time for this. The party is in 2 hours. Add a bunch of milk and brown sugar. Keep going. Swirl it all until you can’t swirl anymore. Then add vanilla and cinnamon. Swirl more you lazy ass. Ok once you’re over it.. pour it on the bread butter thing in your bigass pan. Make sure ALL of your bread get’s some of this stuff.
Here we go. The last part! Wait, just grab a hand full of brown sugar and just throw it on top for effect. You are a chef, so you can say "BAAAAM" as you do this.
BTW, you should have been pre-heating the oven this whole time. Why are you wasting everyones life?! OK, set the oven to Bake. I know I thought it was Slow Broiled, but turns out that setting doesn’t exist yet (come on Ovens!). Put it on 350 (H.O.T). Throw your shit in for like 50 minutes. Go for a walk, read a book, whatevs.. Your job here is done.
Come back, poke at it, when it jumps up a bit, that means it’s ready.
Eat it HOT with Ice cream or YOGURT!